Ha Ha

Alright bloggers who still follow me... I am a new person today! I read back on my posts and am pretty embarrassed at how lame I am for complaining so much. So, I am not doing it anymore. Life is actually pretty good right now. Ashton started preschool and is loving every minute of it. After getting over the initial shock of my baby growing up, I am also loving it. It is so nice to only have one kid to worry about for 3 hours of my day! I also love that he comes home so exhausted that he wants to sleep, so I get a few hours to myself while him and Kingston take their naps! It's not everyday, but it's enough to make me happy! We have been sick a lot but are surviving. I am still wanting another kid so hopefully that happens soon. I'm hoping to be pregnant by March so about 6 months left :) Jason and I haven't had a lot of alone time and the stress wears on us but we are trying to plan a trip away soon so we can have some good quality time that doesn't involve kids. Jay's brother Adam is on a mission in Uruguay and loves it! It's really weird having him gone and time is going by slow. We really miss him. School also started for Jay and I. Still just doing online classes but they are very time consuming and I'm a little worried that this may be the hardest semester yet! But, we will get through it, as we always do. I love this new found faith of mine. I know that no matter what happens and how hard life is, we always make it through and I know it's because of our Heavenly Father and our faith in Him and in the church. As my mom always says, pay tithing and live life the way we are supposed to, and the blessings will fall into place. It's so true and, although I complain a ton, I know that I am truly blessed in my life and I love that!!!

Hey everyone! So, since i've blogged last and had my pity party, life hasn't necessarily gotten easier or less stressful, but I'm in a good mood today! I deleted my facebook in hopes of destressing my life. But, i've noticed this last month has,been one of the most stressful of all. I didn't tell anyone, but I was pregnant! Unfortunately, all my stress probably was what caused me to miscarry just this week! I'm in a super deep funk about it all. I've been through it before and figured I could handle it ok but I'm not ok. Jay has made the comment of me being in a zombie-like state over it. I will bw fine and I'm not on here to whine... Just figured without facebook I should keep people updated on my current stuff. On happier notes, I'm really excited for ashton because he starts preschool in less than a month! Once we got the shots out of the way, he is very excited and I love to see his face light up every time he talks about it! The only thing that gives me a good attitude these days is my boys! They just light me upand make me rise out of my funk. I also recently visited my family in nevada and that was really good for me to get away and not have to think about anything for a few days! They have a frightening addition to their home though! They have about 8 or 9 rattle snakes in their house in two cages. You touch the cage and they all start rattling and it is so scary! I am deathly afraid of snakes so I has tons of anxiety just being in their house but I got over it and survived sleeping there. I love going back to my roots and being on a farm again! I sometimes miss the simplicity of being in the middle of nowhere without a care and smelling the hay around you and being super dusty the whole time... It's something that really comforts me!!! Anyways, I'm running out of things to say but I will try to keep this updated more. Oh, and we moved apartments too!!! I love not living in a disgusting apartment with trashy neighbors! Sooooo much! The end. :)

Rough life...

I apologize ahead of time. This is a total pity party for me, but I need to clear my head, so don't read if you don't want to (honestly it's not recommended).

You know, I thought a couple years ago that life couldn't get worse (financial issues, kid issues, all that jazz). I was sorely mistaken. I can honestly say I'm about 95% sure I have depression. I've had it before but this is different. I feel numb lately. I don't feel like doing anything, I feel like complaining about anything I can, I don't have energy to even talk to my husband or kids. I've definitely hit a rut. And, for me (being a bottler), I find it strange that I've cried more in the last month than I have in years. I just feel like there is nothing that can go right. Jason's work has been soooo slow lately that we can't pay our bills. My job for sure won't cut it alone. Financial issues are bad, but I think my other issues are worse and I guess what you could call the lighter fluid to my fire. I've never in the last month felt more alone. Even in a room full of people, I feel like I'm nobody. I go out with friends and feel sectioned off, like a "3rd wheel" so to speak. It's like I try so hard to fit in and I am socially awkward. I've never felt that before. Sure there are things that I smile about and that are fairly entertaining, but I find myself being fake with happiness lately. I can honestly say that I want nothing more than to move right now. I want Jason to get a job far away so I can have a clean slate and not feel this way anymore. Usually, I am the one against changing life. I love my family and my friends and my job, but nothing is cutting it anymore. I'm done with this rut in our life and READY to move on. Thanks for listening to my venting. I feel better (not).

Yes, this is the smile of a little "stinker". He tends to look so innocent and that face could melt your heart. However, this little guy is a wild one. He is constantly hitting kids, getting into cords and outlets, and pulling my hair. But, I can't resist when he turns on that charm with those big blue eyes and huge open mouth smile! I love that boy to death!!! He is starting to run... his little legs just go as fast as they can the second he gets the opportunity to bolt. It's adorable. And, although, he is skinny as ever, he is the biggest eater you've ever seen. Yes, there is one bigger than Ashton (he's always been our little pig). Kingston will eat us out of house and home for sure! He is just growing so fast and making me want another one soooooo much more! I can't even describe to you how badly I want a baby! I'm dying to feel those little kicks in my belly, hear the sound of a heartbeat on a little monitor at a monthly checkup, anticipate the outcome of a gender ultrasound, anxiously await the feeling of a first labor contraction, be hooked up to monitors and waited on hand and foot, push with all my might til I hear that tiny little cry, and hold a precious little angel in my arms knowing that there is no greater moment in the entire world and that just for those first few seconds, the world stands still. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than having a baby. Despite all the pain and discomfort throughout pregnancy, it is all so worth it to see this little life you have created. And, no matter how much money you know you are going into debt and how stressful and tiring your life is going to be, you know that it will all be peaceful when you see that cute smile form on the lips of your child! Can you tell how badly I need a baby???
And, then they grow up and need things. Like 8 caps on their teeth at 4 years old. Yeah, Ashton has the worst teeth in the world! I brush, floss, keep sweets away and he still ends up with cavities like no other! Last year, he had 6 cavities filled. Then we went back for a checkup and they said one was forming but it should be okay. Well, 6 months later, he needs 8 caps put on. He is doing great but is a little upset that his teeth are silver. He at first wanted them to go away, but is slowly accepting them. Him and daddy call them special teeth that have "bullets" on them. I love the way Jason is with the kids. To see him and Ashton play puts the biggest smile on my face. He is Ashton's "boss" and Ashton is "captain". Can you believe they have "pet names" for each other. Lol~ I love it and I love them!

lately...

I should probably keep this updated...

There isn't a lot going on in our lives per say but we are crazy busy all the time! Jason got some more students and is working more now, so that is really great! This will get him closer to his 1,000 hours and a new, steady job! Unfortunately, it also gets us closer to indefinitely moving away and that I cannot even think about right now!!! I took team lead and am working till 2 everyday now, which has been okay for me but hard on the boys. It is right in the middle of naptime for Kingston and he refuses, for the most part, to take a nap at the gym! Occasionally one of the girls can get him to fall asleep but even then he wakes up about 45 minutes later. He also had croup this past week, which meant not working hardly at all! The biggest thing about my new schedule is... I work til 2 come home and put kingston down for a nap and then get ashton and myself some lunch. By the time all this is accomplished, I have to get dressed for working out at 4 and get home at 6, to make dinner and do a little cleaning, put the boys to bed, and try to settle in for homework. The only problem is after all that running around, I sit and basically wanna just pass out. I try to read my homework and end up falling asleep. School is definitely taking the biggest hit out of all the things in my life right now. And, to make it worse, I have 4 classes that are fairly difficult( for me at least). I am taking Math 1010 (you all know how terrible I am at Math), Political Science (i'm not even registered to vote and could care less about politics, so you can imagine how that class is going), Sociology (this involves a ton of reading, which I struggle with staying awake on), and Psychology (this is one I could enjoy if it wasn't on the backburner- it doesn't have more than 2 deadlines the whole semester, so i literally have not even looked at the book yet!). I'm extremely bummed about school lately. I was so glad I made it through last semester and I was looking forward to another challenging, but easy enough for me semester. Unfortunately, i just took on too much. My timing with team lead, 4 classes, and my LOVE of zumba is just very off! Jason says I need to sacrifice my workouts for school, but in reality, I can't do homework when the kids are awake anyways, so what is the point? Plus, I feel like an entirely different person when i workout! I feel healthy, less stressed, and have a clearer head than the days I miss workouts! I CANNOT sacrifice or I'll go insane!!!

Now that I've rambled away, I must say that I love my life. I really do! I am a complainer at heart but I love my kids, I love my husband and how much he does for me, I love my job, I love my friends, and I love the opportunities I am given in this life!

Personalities...

So, Ashton has become obsessed with Trio blocks! And, Jason kinda has too... lol. They are really fun for kids his age because they are easier to build with and there are so many creative things to make. Ashton got some for his birthday and then we kept finding them on sale, so he has hundreds of them and he will play with them for hours on end if we'd let him! I recommend them to everyone with kids age 3-5 or even maybe older and you can even get them for gifts for nieces and nephews or something. Seriously, they will be loved by anyone! Having said that, Ashton has also started a chore chart. He is required to clean his room every day and any toys he has out in the front room. He then gets a sticker each day and once he gets to 5 stickers, he can choose to go out for ice cream or save until he gets 10 and go buy a new toy. He is adapting well to this system, but it is hard for us to adapt. Our schedules are super hectic and we don't seem to be home long enough for him to even clean, so then he misses out and gets really sad. He also went to the bank with me the other day and we set him up a savings account. They do it a really fun way where they let the kids come in with a deposit slip and hand them their money for their special account and all that jazz... Ashton is so excited to earn money to put in the bank! He is my sweet boy and I can't picture him any older or less innocent! I love him to death!
My little Kingers has started doing more things. He now waves when you say "hi", puts his hand to his ear (like a cell phone) when you say "hello", and claps when you say "yay". He also recently started shaking his head when you say "no". It is so adorable but I can tell it will be a problem causing thing. He is very defiant. You tell him "no" and he shakes his head, smiles, and does it again. Yay for us, huh?! He is also beginning (yes,already) to pick up the bad habits of the playroom. The other morning, he walked up to another baby about his size and hit him in the face! (not hard, more like a brush against the face) but I scolded him and said "no" and of course, as I said, he smiled and did it again. The poor little guy had never been to the gym until that day and started bawling and didn't calm down until his mom came! Dang King! He is only 1 and already making kids cry. And, lets not go into how he always pulls Ashton's hair and makes him cry too! Luckily for Ashton, we buzzed their heads! He is going to be a handful for sure! But, he is also super sweet and cuddly (especially to his mommy)! And, with all this, I am still baby hungry! Hopefully we can get something set up and start trying in a few months or I'm gonna go crazy! Anyhow, Jay and I are starting up a new semester of online classes today and are not so thrilled, so wish us luck! That's life in a nutshell for us lately!!! xoxo